two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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