i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
