god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
