i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
