At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
