somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
