I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
