I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
