I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
