Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
