In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
God, you're like boner-b-gone
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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