Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
