The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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