all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
