dude i'm inner monologue high
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Randomize
