then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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