I hate your face
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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