eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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