He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
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