Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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