I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
she peed on how many people?
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
