last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
