I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Randomize
