She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
So. Much. Porn.
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