Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
