hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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