I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
