Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
