Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
