I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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