I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
