i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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