Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
