Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
