Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I am available for nakedness
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
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