my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Randomize
