dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
