Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
