let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
