my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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