i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
