I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
