I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize
