woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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