i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
It's shark week go big or go home
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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