fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
