would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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