Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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