How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
