You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Randomize
