I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
