No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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