I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
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