I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Randomize
