I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
