the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
